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Monday, March 31, 2014

rehabilitating the Blog

Blogging can sometimes feel obsolete... "Retro".
Now, post-Tumblr & Facebook,
it's all bite-sized chunks of information.
I've gone from novels to essays to paragraphs to status updates, to twitter hashtags
teeny word summaries of other tiny sums,
to cross-posting, without further comment.
 

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Post-phone

Attention to how much I have relied on my phone for a sense of self or continuity

Friday, March 28, 2014

Homophobia

Homophobia:
"Because Father does not love me unconditionally."

Last Night

A conversation between myself and 4 other Asian men at a bar in Newtown, NSW... Sparring wits about dancing, travel, sexuality, colonisation, Aboriginal Australian history, asylum seekers in Australia, and racism.

One of those evenings with the thought: This whole conversation should be hashtagged.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Food and Work

A reflection... That every single thing I do at work and in my life would be enhanced and nurtured by improving my relationship to food. I do not simply nor even primarily mean this in the sense of nutrition, but rather in terms of centralising the role that food can play in community development, community engagement, community investment in any event, issue, evolution.

I love food, but I have been a real prince about food in my life. I primarily rely on others to grow the vegetables or the livestock, or to collect the eggs or seduce the bees to steal their honey. I rely on others to ship the food, to ferment it, distill it, chop it, wash it, package it, prepare it, cook it.

I primarily eat it.

I want to incorporate food more healthfully into my "events" for work, from support groups to a presence at festivals. I want to nurture my relationship to food producers to be more in connection with their social conscience, at the same time that I develop my own food consciousness as part of my own social conscience.

Reflections.

the sense...

The sense, this morning,
of a spectacle of ordinariness,
the magic of mundanity...

I am called to witness
my own participation,
complicity in the shaping
of the normal
through all its global manifestations.

Simply by breathing, loving,
complaining, cajoling, or otherwise standing still under a gentle shower
scrubbing yesterday away,
making room for tomorrow's insights
to glow eagerly from under my skin

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Tall Poppy Syndrome

"THE TALL POPPY SYNDROME:
ON THE RE-EMERGENCE IN CONTEMPORARY AUSTRALIA
OF AN ANCIENT GREEK AND LATIN MOTIVE


According to the Australian National Dictionary (AND; Ramson 1988: 494), echoed by the
Australian Concise Oxford Dictionary of current English (Moore 1997: 1393), a tall poppy is ‘a
person who is conspicuously successful; freq. one whose distinction, rank, or wealth attracts
envious notice or hostility’. The Dinkum Dictionary (Johansen 1988: 414) provides a similar,
two-part definition: it talks about a ‘very important person; influential person; person with status
– often held in contempt by others, who try to bring about this person’s downfall or ruin’. In
spite of recent attempts to revalue the term tall poppy (Peeters forthcoming), most Australians
remain convinced that tall poppies must be cut down or cut down to size. This is usually done by
uttering criticism or by adversely commenting on a reverse in status. It is said that Australians
derive a great deal of pleasure or satisfaction from engaging in this activity."

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Fanon's Final Prayer

The final pages of Black Skin, White Masks






Fanon's Freedom

"Some men want to fill the world with their presence. A German philosopher described this mechanism as the pathology of freedom."
- Frantz Fanon, from Black Skin, White Masks, pg 226
Also quoted from Frantz Fanon's "Black Skin, White Masks"



Monday, March 24, 2014

Core work

Sciatica, ouch.

Then: Osteopathy at Inner North Osteo, a 5 minute walk from my workplace.

Now: Mmm... happy puppy.

I am pledging to myself, from now on, to begin every weight training session with core-muscle exercises. If I do not have the energy to do ab work, then I should not have the energy to do any other muscle exercises.

I must make the time and the space to strengthen my core, as the very basis upon which any other physical work can be done.

an amazing poem

I've quoted this from Frantz Fanon's "Black Skin, White Masks"...

This poem is originally by David Diop...



Sunday, March 23, 2014

Amalgamation

Perhaps...:
Neither assimilation nor integration, but rather:
Amalgamation

A sum total greater than my parts, yet inseparable from them, and indissoluble even if they were repressed, denied, foregone or forgotten...

The parts also, themselves, in each perhaps also containing the whole.

I am an amalgam of composite parts, and I am the parts which both pre-empt and are perhaps greater than a composite whole.

Saturday, March 22, 2014

"Tall Poppies Club"

A hypothetical club...


Tall Poppies Club

A club for Tall Poppies. People who are tired of keeping our talents hidden. We wish to share them with one another, to learn from one another, to grow with one another, to develop through the vulnerability of visibility.

We are proud of our achievements and wish to share them with others. We acknowledge the virtue of modesty, at the same time that we wish to emphasise the reality of our excellence; not in order to sideline others, but in order to build a community of excellence, and a culture of innovation.

We are tall poppies who refuse to be cut down. Instead, we choose to remain tall, and encourage others to stand tall with us. We aspire to be taller, to become better at our work and our crafts, to share our successes with one another, alongside the lessons we have learned from our mistakes.


As part of Tall Poppies, I will:

- Be proud of my achievements
- Acknowledge the people who have supported me through my work in order to achieve what I have achieved
- Share my achievements with others
- Encourage others to share their achievements with me and with one another
- Commit to nurturing and sustaining a community that is proud of our achievements
- Aspire to continuing a cultural cycle of excellence

(at least) One blogpost per day

I have decided to set myself a challenge...

To blog one page a day, for the rest of this month...

Even if it is a single sentence, a single phrase, a single word.
It could be a quotation from someone, or a vague sense of an idea.
It could be an image I'm cross-posting off the internet.

Mostly, it is to revisit this blog as an alternative to Facebook, which I've been disconnected from since the beginning of the month, in an attempt to reclaim an intellectual, social, and emotional space that doesn't hinge on the fickle whims of an aggressive newsfeed.

This blogpost per day is an exploration of discipline.
A recognition that "being a writer" is not (only) about moments of extreme genius, when the Muse has visited and blessed me with his presence, motivating me to gush words like libidinal spurts of wishful thinking, inviting praise and celebration.

No.

Rather, I want to connect with writing as a discipline, as a meditation, as itself an invitation to conversation, to dialogue... That all my writing will not only be in discrete, self-contained essays which are complete unto themselves, fully fleshed out and self-knowing. I want to write not only to indicate my knowing, but also as an expression of my unknowing, my undoing, my unknotting, my unfurling.

Perhaps nobody will read this.

Perhaps nobody will care.

And so what? I have not prefigured this blog to be for mass consumption, or accessibility, even as I do not either wish to overly glamourise obscurity at the expense of relationship.

I write because I care, or perhaps because I only want to care, and that may have to be enough.

This will be this for now.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Art Videos

I have been watching quite a lot of art videos on Youtube recently, and I've decided to share a few that I've found to be especially exquisite...


Friday, March 14, 2014

"Satisfaction"



Satisfaction.

The Latin "Satis", to mean "sufficient" or "adequate"...

Sufficient Action.
Adequate Action.

This is, by definition, Satisfaction.

A day's work well done.
A life's work well lived.

Stepping Stones


The exquisite beauty of stepping stones.

They are, in themselves, a path for others and the final product of themselves. Stepping stones, in their fullness, are but stepping stones on the way to somewhere, and that is why they are perfect...

Friday, March 7, 2014

Notes on Fail Fast, Fail Often #3

The Lean Approach to Careers


  1. Make the smallest viable action plan - just enough to take the next positive action.
    Don't worry about making a plan for the next three months, one year, or five years; instead focus on what you can do in the next week to have new experiences and learn.
  2. Be good at taking small steps that allow you to try and learn about many things.
    Learn to enjoy initiating small actions that lead to immediate feedback.
  3. Perform experiments to confirm or disprove your assumptions about occupations that you are curious about.Don't believe what you hear about a career or what you have learned from books and television. Come up with your own experiments that allow you to find out how you feel about an occupation, how hard it is to do, how good you are at it, and so on. For example, try volunteering, enriolling in an introductory course, taking an internship, or getting a part-time job.
  4. Be prepared to change course; expect to make many small adjustments, as well as some big ones.Don't get stuck pursuing one career, even if you have committed time and resources preparing for it. It is normal and to be expected to adjust course according to what you learn and how your interests change.
  5. Avoid big investments in education, training and preparation until you have learned as much as possible.Don't make a long-term commitment until you have taken steps to try things, test your ideas, and learn more. For example, if you are interested in being a doctor, volunteer at a hospital, take a chemistry course, and see how you do on practice MCAT tests before you commit to a pre-med plan.
  6. Keep your plans informal.
    When your friends and family ask you what career you want to pursue, resist giving a specific answer. Instead, tell them that you are testing out a number of different ideas (and ask for their input). That way you can collect facts and change direction without feeling embarrassment or being called a quitter.

Notes on Fail Fast, Fail Often #2

"It's a miracle that curiousity survives formal education."
- Albert Einstein

Curiousity-Killing Questions


  • "Will I be good at it?"
    By trying things that you may be bad at, you stop worrying about the approval of others and focus instead on your own fulfillment and growth.
  • "Do I have enough time?"
    If you love something, it will encourage you to avoid unimportant activities that take up your time.
  • "Do I have the patience, talent, intelligence?
    By trying it, you may find patience and talent that you didn't know you have, or you may find an important opportunity to improve.
  • "Am I sure I want to commit to it, and if so, will it take away from other areas of my life?"
    You don't have to commit to anything unless you really want to.
  • "Will it cost too much?"
    When you discover something that you are passionate about, it may inspire you to make money in new ways, or stop spending money on things you don't need.
  • "Will people think I am silly if I get involved?"
    Successful people often enrich their lives with interests and hobbies that appear eccentric to others. Being silly is fun.
  • "Will it have a practical payoff? Will I meet a new boyfriend/girlfriend, develop social connections that benefit my career, learn skills that help me to earn more money or become more healthy and attractive?"
    It is impossible to tell where beneficial life-changing events will arise. Since you can't know in advance, you might as well spend your time having fun and trying things you enjoy.

Five Keys to Curiousity
  • Curiousity keeps you aware and present
  • Curiousity has an expiration date
    (i.e. it can context dependent... Good to follow curiousity at the time that it arises)
  • Curiousity provides energy
  • Curiousity helps you learn quickly
    (e.g. "Let's try this now" instead of "Let's come up with a comprehensive five-year-plan before we proceed)
  • Curiousity gets things moving

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
- Joseph Campbell


Notes on Fail Fast, Fail Often #1

Just bought this book
Fail Fast, Fail Often: How Losing Can Help You Win
by Ryan Babineaux & John Krumboltz

Here are some notes...



Reframing Failure

Failure is:
  • Seeing that you are off course
  • Realising you need to learn more
  • Product testing
  • Finding out how you need help
  • Exploring
  • Discovering that you've ben misinformed
  • Experimenting
  • Seeing how you need to work harder
  • Learning that it is not your best idea
  • Market research
  • Prototyping

Daily Guiding Questions

  • What did you do today that was a lot of fun?
  • What is something interesting that you learned?
  • What happened that made you appreciate your life, work, family or friends?
  • What did you encounter that made you curious?
  • What did you experience that filled you with awe?
  • What did you see that was beautiful or inspiring?
  • What new things did you try or new places did you visit?
  • What fulfilling social interactions did you have?

"Failing Forward"
  • Identify your fearFind something that you would like to try but have hesitated to do because of your fear of failure.
    (e.g. I want to try working as a professional photographer, but I am afraid that I might not be good enough at it to be successful)
  • Reverse your thinking
    Come up with a way that you can fail at it as quickly as possible
    (e.g. I am going to find a setting where I can take lots of bad pictures and let people see them. I can try at my cousin's wedding, which is happening next month.)
  • Do it anywayGet out there and give it a try. Ask others for help and feedback
    (e.g. While taking pictures at the wedding, I will let people know I am a beginner and ask for comments and suggestions.)
  • Fail forwardUse your exploratory actions as a means to learn and discover what you need to know.
    (e.g. What parts of taking the wedding photographs were the most or least enjoyable? What pictures did people like or dislike? What came naturally, and what do I need to work on?)
  • Find the next challenge
    Seek out the next opportunity to do things at the limits of your abilities
    (e.g. Next time I will ask to take pictures at a wedding where I get paid for my work.)


Some limiting "Not Yet" thoughts

"I will be ready to get going when":
  • The economy picks up
  • I feel inspired
  • Someone tells me the right thing to do
  • I have more money in savings
  • The kids leave for college
  • Things settle down
  • I am in a more supportive relationship
  • I discover my inner child
  • I quit my dead-end job
  • I feel more confident
  • I forgive and am forgiven
  • I finish my project
  • My house is cleaned up
  • I come up with a plan
  • I overcome my limiting beliefs
  • I do my taxes
  • I am absolutely certain
  • I attend a few more workshops
  • I get permission
  • I am better prepared
  • I don't feel so tired


Focus on Opportunities, Not Problems

"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain."
- Joseph Campbell


In Defence of Imperfection

Elsewhere, I have written a little on Voltaire's "The Perfect is the Enemy of the Good".

Here, I want to explore further.

Recently... I have been taking actions in deliberate foregoing of an overcommitment to certain high benchmarks of achievement. Not because I do not believe that they are attainable, but only that the pursuit of their attainment can sometimes mire me in inaction.

Here is a concrete example:
I have recently developed a resource on hepatitis B for Chinese and Vietnamese communities, without going through the benchmark (one might suggest even "basic") standards for steps in health promotion resource creation. For example, I did not engage in a formalised process of community consultation, I did not go through months of a needs assessment, and I primarily sought intra-organisational feedback instead of through a working group taskforce.

On the one hand, this is a "fail" from a perspective which privileges Perfection.

On the other hand, here are some other considerations, which complicate the ease with which I might otherwise label this exercise in resource creation a failure:
1. We are resource tight
2. I am the only Asian project worker in the office (hence, at least in part, already "community-identified")
3. I am time-poor, because the year-long grant was only really given to me about 5 months in, and it is a project which promises many deliverables on comparatively little financial support.
4. I work in a sector which generally has high turnover of staff

More on context:
The tyranny of perfection has meant that there have been few resources on hepatitis B that have targeted Chinese and Vietnamese communities (indeed, we get zero ongoing funding to do ANY work on hepatitis B at all, even as we have committed to doing so as an organisation and must thus rely primarily on staff initiative and one-off, small grants), and the high turnover of staff in general in the sector means that few people stay long enough to build and maintain relationships with target communities, let alone create any appropriate resources on these issues.

I write all of this now in Defence of Imperfection.

I will not describe all of the ways that imperfect work is imperfect or bad or dangerous... This is all already implicit by definition.

I instead am interested in a Buddhist/Japanese working aesthetic of Wabi-sabi... Imperfection and incompletion which actually allows room and space for contemplation, rumination, or even enlightenment.

Obviously this is a lofty claim in the context of producing resources on viral hepatitis!

Or is it?

Elsewhere, I have written about the "Do Something Principle", suggesting that it is not only that we begin with inspiration, followed by motivation, followed by action, but also that action can itself be a beginning which then brings about inspiration (from self and others), motivation (for example, to correct the imperfect action), and then further action.

I am experimenting with a new principle of autopoiesis, or memetic, self-replication of particular types of outcomes:
Instead of miring myself in worrying about being seen as a failure,
I am instead going to fail early, fail fast and fail often...

As this linked article explains,
"...a story about a ceramics teacher who tried an experiment with his class[:] 
The teacher divided the students into two groups. Those sitting on the left side of the studio were to be graded solely on the quantity of their work, while those on the right, solely on the quality. The instructor informed the students in the quantity group that a simple rule would be applied to evaluate their grades: those who produced fifty pounds of pots would get an A, those who produced forty pounds a B, and so on. 
For the quality group, the instructor told the students that he would assign a course grade based on the single best piece produced over the duration of the course. So if a student created a first-rate pot on day one of the course and did nothing else for the term, he would still get an A. 
When the end of the quarter arrived and it came to grading time, the instructor made an interesting discovery: the students who created the best work, as judged by technical and artistic sophistication, were the quantity group. While they were busy producing pot after pot, they were experimenting, becoming more adept at working with the clay, and learning from the mistakes on each progressive piece. 
In contrast, the students in the quality group carefully planned out each pot and tried to produce refined, flawless work, and so they only worked on a few pieces over the length of the course. Because of their limited practice, they showed little improvement. 
We like this story because it points out an important principle: successful people take action as quickly as possible, even though they may perform badly. 
Instead of trying to avoid making mistakes and failing, they actively seek opportunities where they can face the limits of their skills and knowledge so that they can learn quickly. They understand that feeling afraid or underprepared is a sign of being in the space for optimal growth and is all the more reason to press ahead. In contrast, when unsuccessful people feel unprepared or afraid, they interpret it as a sign that it is time to stop, readdress their plans, question their motives, or spend more time preparing and planning."

I want to seek opportunities where I can face the limits of my skills and knowledge, limits that are partially determined by the circumstances I am in (as much as they are about my skills and knowledge per se), and then seek to improve upon my mistakes.

At the same time, I notice how I am sore to feedback that does not consider these circumstances... Still, is that really others' responsibility? Perhaps Yes, if these others are within my sector of employment. I far more value the feedback of community members whom I am targeting with my health promotion messages, rather than professional "experts" within a health promotion field that can paradoxically sometimes be overly self-serving, aiming for a "best practice discourse" over and above action inquiry.

All this said, I am also responsible for my own defensiveness... The field is a tough one, and stakes are high... I am dabbling in an area of life and death, without glamour and often gruelling and thankless.

In this area, I am an imperfect person working in an imperfect system, and thus engaging in imperfect action and imperfect production. What I hope to achieve is reproduction of a particular type of imperfection: One that is founded on the willingness to learn, and having the courage to act when others or I previously have been too mired by the will-to-Perfection to achieve anything much at all.